Wednesday, January 18, 2012

"Heartbreak Warfare": Unfortunate Fairytale Endings

Ciao everyone,

     Back again!  Tired of me yet?, hehe!  Hopefully not, if so, oh well, I love you anyway! ;)  So, I decided I am going to tell you what happened with my ex-boyfriend (I'm not a fan of that word, it's sounds so depressing...uggh).  It's possibly a little too much information, but not really...ha, whatever.  If you've been following my blog, I told you all about him in an extremely elated post about a month ago (here if you're interested).  I suppose it probably had something to do with the fact that he was my first boyfriend, so I was excited.  I'm going to attempt to summarize what happened (somewhat...I tend to write a lot.) from my obnoxious amount of diary pages.  Everyone I know in real life who has asked me did not get much of a response; I told them we broke up...and 1 or 2 tiny details.  I didn't want to talk about it, still don't, but writing about it is helpful (makes sense...sure?).  This will probably be a really long post...but then again when aren't my posts super long.  

     Have you ever read any of the real, unedited to have a happy Disney-esque ending, classic fairytales?  Many of them are quite dark and have unhappy endings.  (I have a fairy-tale obsession, lol)  That is how my "fairytale" went unfortunately.  No happy, Disney ending for me this time. :(  So, as I said in my previous post, I was super happy dating this guy (Adi), running around giggling like a 13 year old girl.  For about a month (we met in the beginning of December), we would see each other and he would be super sweet and tell me all kinds of adorable, sweet things.  When I was not with him, we would talk on the phone and text each other cute things all the time.  I wrote a lot of what he said to me down in my diary...so what, lol!   Based on the way he would talk to me and be when I saw him, it was not just me, he definitely liked me a lot too.  I'm not that delusional to have imagined it.

     Around Christmastime, things went downhill.  My life started to feel like a soap opera.  I love drama on Tv or in movies...but in real life, no thank you!  We had a little argument involving me asking him *jokingly* if he was ignoring me.  He got a little angry about it for some reason or other...but it wasn't that big of a deal really, I suppose, in comparison to what would happen later.  I was upset about it though, I had no idea why he was being so mean all of a sudden. I just wanted him to talk to me, is that so much to ask.  On Christmas Eve, he told me that he had to go back to Albania (a country in Europe, where he's from) because his grandmother there was very sick.  Of course I said I was sorry and that was a shame, but I was also sad he would be leaving.  He would be coming back though.  We had sort of made up from our little argument, but I still felt weird about it.  I didn't get to see him on or near Christmas because he had to leave, which sucked.  I made him cookies I wanted to give him; there were cute little heart shaped ones. :(  He had to go though and it wasn't his fault; one of the things I love about him was that he loves and is close with his family.  


I felt like this song when he left: Taylor Swift: "Superman"

     So, I knew he was leaving and that he was having trouble finding tickets right away, but he never told me when exactly he was going when he found them.  I texted him, etc and he did not answer me for about 3 or 4 days.  Of course, being me, I panicked. I started to worry and wonder "What f he doesn't want to see me anymore?" or "What if he's never coming back?".  I realized he was busy with family stuff but I thought he could have texted me or something.  So, I went on my facebook to see if he had messaged me there and I saw that it said he wasn't my "friend" on there anymore and that his relationship status was single again.  Like most people would have (right?), I assumed that he had decided he did not like me/want to see me anymore.  I was devastated and really angry that he would just ignore me and have me find out that way.  I may have cried my eyes out all day and moped around my house... I also sent him a text message that was not so nice...and that I would soon regret.  This same day, I saw on my cell phone that I had a voicemail message from an unknown number.  I listened to it and my mouth dropped!  It was Adi.  He told me that he was in Albania with his parents and grandmother.  He also said that he could not use his cell phone there (explains why he ignored me) and that he had tried to message me from someone else's phone (I did not get those...damn foreign country communication!).  Also, he was having a problem accessing his facebook there too, which explains that issue...uggh!  His voice melted my heart, "I knew he couldn't have been that cruel", I thought.  I could not call him back though because the number didn't show up on my phone...so I had to try to email him.  It was so frustrating not being able to talk to him somehow.  You would think it would be easier to talk to someone outside the country in 2011!  My luck is so awesome...  So I wrote him this huge thing about how I was confused and about what I thought had happened and asked him to please ignore what I said in the text I sent him when he had his phone working again, etc.  

     He called me again the next day, but my phone did not ring (I would have known, I did not leave it alone for a second hoping he would call again).  He left another voice-mail and was probably starting to think I was ignoring him just like I thought about him.  Fortunately, the next day after that (January 2), he called me and told me he was home.  I was so excited to hear that he was back!  He asked me to meet him at the coffee shop and of course I got dressed and ran there as fast as possible! lol!  We discussed our ridiculous misunderstanding and he said that it was fine and that nothing had changed between us.  Unfortunately that wasn't all he said.  He then told me that he had to go back to Albania again. :(  He explained that his grandmother was still sick but he had come home because of a problem with a form for work.  Apparently, there are some forms or something that he fills out every year to be able to work at the UN.  This year, however, he was busy with his grandmother when he would have usually submitted them at work and forgot about it.  He had come back to the U.S. try to sort out the  problem but then they told him he needed to go to some office in Albania to fix it because it was too late.  Also, he wasn't sure how long it would take or if they would definitely let him work there still.  It's complicated and I'm not sure I entirely understood it, but that's generally it.  He said that he could stay in the country, but he would have to find another job...which would probably require the same form or whatever eventually too.  He asked my opinion and wanted to know what I thought he should do or if there was anything I could think of to help him.  I had not clue, I've never had this type of problem before and I did not feel like I had any right to tell him what to do with his life.  As much as I really wanted him to stay, I couldn't tell him to stay for me and ruin his life.  I told him something like that and that I can't tell him what to do, I don't want to ruin his life.  I felt so bad for him though.

     We sat there and talked for a while, he was obviously struggling to make a decision, but I knew he had to go back and try to sort out the issue with his job and hope for the best: that he would be able to come back, have his job here, and see me.  It makes the most sense.  He told me something that was so sweet though, I really didn't want to say goodbye. He said that he didn't want to leave because he can work anywhere but only here can he find me.  He also said that I was a very special girl and that I shouldn't worry so much while he's gone.  He said that hopefully, if it's meant to be, then everything will work out and that he still wanted to see me if I still wanted to see him. <3 Aww!  We had to say goodbye and I was not the happiest girl that day, but at least I knew he still liked me and that he did not want to break up. 

     Then I did not hear from him again for about six days though!  I know he told me not to worry but he did not text, or call, or email, or anything.  If a guy was interested in you would he not try to contact you in some form after 6 days? Am I overly needy and insane for wanting my boyfriend to talk to me occasionally??  I couldn't wait any longer so I sent him this: “It would be nice if I knew if you left...and if you are ever coming back? If nothing had changed like you said when I saw you...you would have tried to talk to me somehow (call/text/email...) by now, wouldn't you have?? I'm trying really hard not to assume anything like I did last time because you said you'd tell me if you didn't want to see me, right? I miss you. It'd be nice if you told me anything. I hope everything's okay with you. ♥”   Maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but I cannot stand waiting around and wondering what the hell is going on.  He soon emailed me back the most awful thing I've ever read.  I cried like a baby reading it over and over again and wanted to just hide in a hole and die.  He didn't say anything that mean really, but he did call me immature (why? because I wanted my boyfriend to talk to me once in a while...really?) and he said that he thought he was clear and honest with me about his feelings for me (yes, but you can't blame me for worrying a little, can you?  I had never had a boyfriend before and I just wanted a tiny bit of attention occasionally, was that too much to ask?).  He said something about how he was going through a lot right now and would not deal with my "childish mannerism".  I knew he was going through a lot, I told him how sorry I was and that I wished I could help but there was nothing I could do.  I just wanted him to talk to me about his problems, or just say hi or whatever occasionally, apparently that's childish.  Lastly, he said that he really thought it could work between us...and then that he wished me well.  Obviously, I was not a happy girl after reading his message.  I have never been so angry and sad at the same time in my life.  He had never been so mean to me before, and I was absolutely devastated.  This time he had definitely broken up with me. :(  (I thought? Apparently not?!.)    

     I wrote him back this huge obnoxious letter (probably said way too much, what else is new) once I could compose myself enough.  I had a lot of things to say to him.  I didn't really say anything mean, just a lot about how he hurt me and how I did feel really bad about what was going on with him (grandmother and work issues), and that if he had really wanted it to work out it would have, etc.  I may have stupidly sent him that poem too...why I have no idea (He had asked me the last time I saw him where I saw our relationship going and where I wanted it to go...of course I did not answer then).  Guys make me insane I suppose.  He never said anything back after that.  I wished he would have...stupid dreamer, always wishing he'd apologize, say he was just upset because of his issues, and come back. :(  After a few more days I tried to text him in case maybe he came back...and because I'm a lovesick nutcase.  Whoever had his phone asked who I was and then told me that "Adi doesn't live in the states anymore, sorry".  Apparently I guess since he didn't need to come back for me, he must have decided it's be easier to just move back there.  I'll probably never see or speak to him again in my life.  Who in the world does this kind of thing happen to?  My first boyfriend leaves the country twice a month after we meet and then breaks up with me and never comes back.  Totally normal, happens all the time...sure!     

This song (Demi Lovato: "Remember December") sort of describes how I felt and the month makes sense too.

I love this song too.(Alexz Johnson: "Skipping Stone") I also related to this. (Have you noticed I love music?..I always think of songs to relate to everything...lol!)

     Well, that's enough about that.  I'll get over it I suppose, or I hope.  Maybe I'll always feel a little sad about it.  Are all girls that attached to their first boyfriend or am I just way too emotional and melodramatic? lol!  Maybe I'm sort of seeing another guy  now, but it's not as serious...is it too soon?  Oh well, I don't care, I waited my whole life.  I'm entirely over waiting around for guys to fall out of the sky...lol.  But I think I still love Adi...uggh!  Why is life never simple?  Okay, I'm done rambling now.  I doubt anyone reads this entire thing...I just needed to tell someone that I don't have to talk to in real life because that makes me uncomfortable and sad.  Thanks for reading if you did.  I'll post all the rest of the outfits I have saved up soon, definitely by this weekend. :) Comment below if you have anything to say about any of that...answer some of my silly questions, advice?

P.S.  As I was finishing writing this post, and just about to hit "publish", just when I was absolutely sure I would NEVER hear from Adi again, and that my fairytale was over, sad ending and all, guess who I get a message from?!  Adi!  He said: “Ciao Gabi, come stai? (how are you?) I’m back in the states.”   Really, how am I supposed to respond to that...did he forget that he broke my heart a few weeks ago...and that's all he has to say after everything I said to him that he ignored??  I thought he was never coming back and did not want anything to do with me even if he did.  Now what am I going to do...I guess I'll answer him, I'm too curious not to.  We'll see what he wants.  So, the drama apparently continues...  Ridiculous...I wouldn't believe it if it weren't happening to me.  I suppose I'll keep you updated, since I have told you all so much already.

                                                       Xoxo, the very confused & annoyed, Gabriella

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