So we still continued talking, but I wasn’t sure what the hell we were doing. We weren’t dating because when he asked if I wanted to be in a long distance relationship with him, I said no. I don’t want to be constantly missing him and wishing I could be with him, when I can’t, it’d drive me crazy. Then again, I still felt like that, so I don’t have a clue what was going on. We both said we missed each other and it was starting to drive me crazy because I still want him, desperately. I tried to say goodbye a few times because it wasn’t good for either of us, but I always ended up going back to talking to him. I don’t know what it is he does to me, but I don’t want to be without him. It’s so sad and pathetic, I know. 
He’d never said anything like that before, even when we broke up God knows how many times…there was always some excuse why we couldn’t be together. It has to be the most hurtful thing anyone’s ever said to me. It felt like he ripped out my heart and literally stomped on it. All I ever wanted from him was his love and attention, I guess I’ll never have it. I tried so hard to fix things and wanted us to be happy together so badly, I guess I was really blinded by love. That silly phrase is right. It makes me wonder if he ever really loved me at all? I know I did and I still do love him. How do I make that go away? Will it ever? How do you get over loving someone? You’d think I’d have gotten over him a long time ago, I haven’t actually seen him in weeks! I have a hard time letting go of things, I suppose. I guess this time I have no choice but to be done with him. Hopefully, I get over him eventually. He didn’t deserve my love if he always made me feel awful like this. The thought of him being with anybody else makes me absolutely sick though...but I guess I do want him to be happy. I try to tell myself, "You don't need him, never did, you just want him. You can't have everything you want." I know I'll live without him, but still when I think about him and what thought we could have had together, it makes me so sad. I need to stop crying over him though. Whatever, I guess I’ll have to go back on my search to find “Prince Charming.” Ha, or maybe he’ll find me, whichever. I am determined to be happy this summer, I need it desperately. 
Labels: boyfriend drama, boys, heartbreak, life, writing