Ciao dears, It’s very late, I can’t sleep, and I’m still upset…so of course I wrote something…which I may regret later. It’s a poem, which generally is not my favorite thing to write, but I did it anyway. Writing about things helps me deal with them, focus on them, indulge my insanity, whatever, ha! I thought about sending it to my ex-boyfriend, but what would be the point of that? He probably hates me now, since he wants nothing more to do with me. So, I’m posting it here I guess.
“Away”
I loved you before, I love you now, and I’m scared I always will. You broke my heart, I can’t explain why, but I love you still. I’ll never forget our first kiss or the way you made me melt when you sat close to me and held my hand. I’ll never forget that tenth day in December when we met or the way you made me so nervous I could barely stand. I’ll never forget the things you said to me, both good and bad. I’ll never forget the dreams of us I wanted so badly it nearly drove me mad. I’ll always treasure the time we spent, the poem you wrote me, and the words we’ve shared. I’ll always remember you and I want you to know that I really, truly, always cared. You’ll always be the boy with whom I shared my first kiss, my first date, the first man I ever let get so close. You’ll forever be my first true love, I wouldn't change it, and will never get over it, I suppose. I miss the times when you desired my attention and made me feel wanted and in love. I miss your sweet smile and the way you looked at me with those eyes, I must stop dreaming of. But so many times you’ve made me cry and acted as if you didn’t care. You made me feel like the love we’ve shared is, for you, no longer there. No one has ever hurt me so much as when you said that we were done. It felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest and gone was the light from the sun. So I’ll have to learn to stop dreaming that you’ll show up at my door Because I guess we’ll never be together like we were before. The dreams of happily ever after, wedding bells, and a life together must be forced to fade away, Because if you really wanted any of that you would be here with me today. I hope you live a happy life and accomplish all that you’ve dreamed. As heartbroken as you’ve made me, I still like to think it wasn’t as it seemed. But please don’t forget the shy girl who loved you with all she had from the very start. My dear, you’ll always have to keep, a little piece of my heart, But this is the last time I can let myself think of you and cry myself to sleep. This pain I can live with no longer, this sadness I cannot keep. So, in my heart I’ll forever keep my dreams of you where they’ll safely stay, But sadly, sweetheart, you’ll remain the one that got away. (Added a few days later) P.S. To those of you convinced he doesn't love me, I think you're wrong. I guess I was wrong when I thought he hated me too. I gave him the poem, we talked and for certain reasons we can't control right now, we've agreed we can't be together now. We're going to stay friends (I guess you can call it) and talk sometimes, and maybe some day we'll be together again, if it's meant to be. We'll see. For now, I need to be happy, move on, and live my life without being sad about it anymore though. :) Be happy dears!