Sunday, April 29, 2012

Late Night Poem from a Broken Heart: “Away”

 
Ciao dears,
        It’s very late, I can’t sleep, and I’m still upset…so of course I wrote something…which I may regret later.  It’s a poem, which generally is not my favorite thing to write, but I did it anyway.  Writing about things helps me deal with them, focus on them, indulge my insanity, whatever, ha!  I thought about sending it to my ex-boyfriend, but what would be the point of that?  He probably hates me now, since he wants nothing more to do with me.  So, I’m posting it here I guess. 
Away
I loved you before, I love you now, and I’m scared I always will.
You broke my heart, I can’t explain why, but I love you still.
I’ll never forget our first kiss or the way you made me melt when you sat close to me and held my hand.
I’ll never forget that tenth day in December when we met or the way you made me so nervous I could barely stand.
I’ll never forget the things you said to me, both good and bad.
I’ll never forget the dreams of us I wanted so badly it nearly drove me mad.
I’ll always treasure the time we spent, the poem you wrote me, and the words we’ve shared.
I’ll always remember you and I want you to know that I really, truly, always cared.
You’ll always be the boy with whom I shared my first kiss, my first date, the first man I ever let get so close.
You’ll forever be my first true love, I wouldn't change it, and will never get over it, I suppose.
I miss the times when you desired my attention and made me feel wanted and in love.
I miss your sweet smile and the way you looked at me with those eyes, I must stop dreaming of.
But so many times you’ve made me cry and acted as if you didn’t care.
You made me feel like the love we’ve shared is, for you, no longer there.
No one has ever hurt me so much as when you said that we were done.
It felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest and gone was the light from the sun.
So I’ll have to learn to stop dreaming that you’ll show up at my door
Because I guess we’ll never be together like we were before.
The dreams of happily ever after, wedding bells, and a life together must be forced to fade away,
Because if you really wanted any of that you would be here with me today.
I hope you live a happy life and accomplish all that you’ve dreamed.
As heartbroken as you’ve made me, I still like to think it wasn’t as it seemed.
But please don’t forget the shy girl who loved you with all she had from the very start.
My dear, you’ll always have to keep, a little piece of my heart,
But this is the last time I can let myself think of you and cry myself to sleep.
This pain I can live with no longer, this sadness I cannot keep.
So, in my heart I’ll forever keep my dreams of you where they’ll safely stay,
But sadly, sweetheart, you’ll remain the one that got away.

 (Added a few days later) P.S. To those of you convinced he doesn't love me, I think you're wrong.  I guess I was wrong when I thought he hated me too.  I gave him the poem, we talked and for certain reasons we can't control right now, we've agreed we can't be together now.  We're going to stay friends (I guess you can call it) and talk sometimes, and maybe some day we'll be together again, if it's meant to be.  We'll see.  For now, I need to be happy, move on, and live my life without being sad about it anymore though.   :)  Be happy dears! 
 
                                                                                 ♥ Xoxo Gabriella

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Disaster…Did You Ever Love Me at All?

    
Ciao dears,
        So, I have still been talking to my ex-boyfriend lately.  I’ve never really stopped talking to him really.  Bad idea, I know now.  I still loved him though…still do now, whether he deserves it or not.  I thought maybe we could be friends like I am with this other guy I dated once (not that that really works out perfectly all the time either…) but that didn’t work because I still have feelings for him.  I told him so and he said he still loved me too.  Okay, great, but we still couldn’t be together because he moved to a different state! Sad smile  So we still continued talking, but I wasn’t sure what the hell we were doing.  We weren’t dating because when he asked if I wanted to be in a long distance relationship with him, I said no.  I don’t want to be constantly missing him and wishing I could be with him, when I can’t, it’d drive me crazy.  Then again, I still felt like that, so I don’t have a clue what was going on.  We both said we missed each other and it was starting to drive me crazy because I still want him, desperately. Sad smile  I tried to say goodbye a few times because it wasn’t good for either of us, but I always ended up going back to talking to him.  I don’t know what it is he does to me, but I don’t want to be without him.  It’s so sad and pathetic, I know.    
 
        We got in some kind of stupid argument today because I felt like he was ignoring me and wouldn’t answer my questions.  I’d asked him before if he was seeing or talking to or whatever any other girls.  He’d said no before and said there were no other girls, only me, which of course made me melt.  I don’t know if I believe him anymore, maybe that’s why he wouldn’t answer.  I don’t understand him anymore at all.  A few days ago he claimed to love me and miss me, and now he says he wants nothing to do with me. Crying face  He’d never said anything like that before, even when we broke up God knows how many times…there was always some excuse why we couldn’t be together.  It has to be the most hurtful thing anyone’s ever said to me.  It felt like he ripped out my heart and literally stomped on it.  All I ever wanted from him was his love and attention, I guess I’ll never have it.  I tried so hard to fix things and wanted us to be happy together so badly, I guess I was really blinded by love. That silly phrase is right.  It makes me wonder if he ever really loved me at all?  I know I did and I still do love him.  How do I make that go away?  Will it ever?  How do you get over loving someone? You’d think I’d have gotten over him a long time ago, I haven’t actually seen him in weeks!  I have a hard time letting go of things, I suppose.  I guess this time I have no choice but to be done with him.  Hopefully, I get over him eventually.  He didn’t deserve my love if he always made me feel awful like this.  The thought of him being with anybody else makes me absolutely sick though...but I guess I do want him to be happy.  I try to tell myself, "You don't need him, never did, you just want him.  You can't have everything you want."  I know I'll live without him, but still when I think about him and what thought we could have had together, it makes me so sad.  I need to stop crying over him though.  Whatever, I guess I’ll have to go back on my search to find “Prince Charming.”  Ha, or maybe he’ll find me, whichever.  I am determined to be happy this summer, I need it desperately. 
Love this song!
        Have a great weekend everyone, comment below if you’d like.  I’ll be done school for this semester after I finish writing a few ridiculously annoying papers this weekend and a few more classes on Monday! Yay!  I’ll try to blog a lot more often and about a lot more things this summer since I’ll finally have some free time!  Take care dears.  Smile
P.S. To my dear and very sweet friend, Dominick: I’m terribly sorry to have bothered you with all my whining about problems with this guy who didn’t deserve me.  You were right.  Thanks for always trying to make me feel better though. ♥  You treated me ten times better than he ever did even though we’re only friends and I drive you crazy sometimes.  You’re an amazing friend and I’m very lucky to have you.  Open-mouthed smile 
                                                                                     ♥ Xoxo Gabriella

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Is Love Enough?

Ciao dears,
        Have you ever questioned something you’ve always instinctively believed to be true?  My whole life I always thought love would be enough to do anything.  If Girl loves Boy, and Boy loves Girl, they should then live happily ever after…right?  Nothing should get in the way of that.  In reality unfortunately, life does get in the way.  Years of Disney movies with princes who save the princess have made me want a fairytale.  Maybe I’ll still have it one day.  Since my mind is very hard to change though, I still do believe love IS enough.  Maybe you just have to wait.  If you really are in love, it will be enough, at some point.  If not, I guess it was not meant to be and maybe that wasn’t your true love.  Time will tell and I will be happy with whomever my prince is someday, if it kills me.  Ha!  In the meantime, I’ll just collect ex-boyfriends as friends, I suppose, lol.  Once I love someone, I can't just turn that off, it doesn't go away.  I just have to learn to accept that things can't always work out the way you wish they had at the time.  I’ll always love you, Adi, in case you happen to read this.    
        Also, here’s my outfit of the day.  I wore this to see 21 Jump Street with a friend and it was hilarious!  Very funny and cute movie. (Channing Tatum is always adorable!)  Have a nice week!, I’ll probably be too busy with school to blog for the next few days or week.        
 
Dress: Target, Leggings & Shrug: Forman Mills, Flats: Avenue, Belt: NYC & Co., Bracelet & Necklace: Forever 21
                    ♥ Xoxo Gabriella

Monday, April 9, 2012

Easter Fun with a Special Guest!


Ciao lovlies,
Guess what?!  I found something……

THE EASTER BUNNY!!!!!  Haha! Seriously, is he not the cutest thing ever!  I love him!  He’s not mine though, he’s my nieces’ and nephew's pet.  They brought him over for Easter and everyone wanted to play with him.  He’s adorable and fluffy!  I never had a pet as a child, so I wanted to play with him, lol!  I hope everyone had a lovely Easter (or Passover or just a nice weekend). Smile  Here’s my Easter outfit and my new buddy, Buster the bunny. Smile 

This was my Easter dress.  It reminds me of an Easter egg, ha! Smile What do you think?

   

I tried to wear light, spring-ish colored makeup, so I didn’t wear black eyeliner. I wore light blue instead…and it make me look like a little girl, lol!  My eyes look weird, never again!  My hair looks shorter too, but I didn’t cut it!  It’s just the curls are too big…oh well.  
Dress: Charlotte Russe, Shrug: DEB, Tights: ??,  Wedges: Payless, Bracelet: Forever 21, Necklace: gift, Earrings(sorry, can’t really see them): Claire’s












                                         ♥ Xoxo Gabriella

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Boys?! and Early Spring Outfits!

Ciao dears,
        Why is it that any and all the men/boys in my life absolutely love to drive me insane?  All of them, my father, creepy customers at work, boyfriend/ex-boyfriends/friends….whatever the hell they are, they all drive me insane.  Do they do it on purpose, or is some kind of male trait?!?! Haha.  I don’t understand them at all and I don’t know why I bother trying.  Some of them constantly ignore me, break my heart over and over again, and then show up randomly, only to ignore me again.  Ahhh!  I could smack some of them.  Some of them want more from me that I want to give them.  Some of them flirt with me but take forever and a day to finally ask me out, and then some of them like me but I’m too picky and don’t like them that way.  I went back on one of those dating website things and I am constantly getting messages from all these guys…none of which I really like.  I always find something wrong with them.  For example: oh, he’s an atheist, don’t like that, (lol) or he’s my father’s age (eww!!), or he’s not looking for a girlfriend, just some tramp to hook up with (no thank you!), or just the fact that he’s not the guy I really want.  Yes, I know, I complained for God knows how long that guys didn’t want me and apparently they do..but I’m choosy about it.  I’m stubborn, I want what I want, and my mind doesn’t like to change very easily…it’s a problem.  Oh boys…lol.  I love them and I can’t stand them…ha!  Help.  Sometimes I wish I could just give up on all of them…but I can’t and don’t really want to.  

        Anyway, enough about my whiny, weird boy issues.  Here are some outfits from the past two weeks.  The weather has been a little strange here.  One day it’s springtime weather and sunny, the next it’s chilly and I have to wear tights again.  Enjoy.  Smile
1.) Peach & Bell Bottoms (& a Widow’s Peak!)
I (kind of) straightened my hair, but curled the ends here.  I rarely pull all of the front of my hair back because of that lovely little point in the middle of my head, called a widow’s peak.  I hate the name, I don’t really like the way it looks…but whatever, it’s part of me, so whatever, lol.  That’s why I tend to either have some kind of bangs or part my hair on the side.    
   
How pretty is this heart bracelet my aunt gave me for my birthday. Smile  I love that silver hair clip too.

Very colorful and fun Betsey Johnson bag my sister gave me for my birthday. Smile

Tank top: Torrid, Sweater & Jeans: Lane Bryant, Shoes: Avenue, Bracelet: gift, Earrings: Kohl’s, Bag: Betsey Johnson, Hairclip: ?? (stole from my mom, lol)

2.) Springtime!
I’ve been trying to remember to take some outdoor pictures.  The lighting looks a little odd though.  This is not my favorite outfit, but I still like it.  This pink skirt was once my favorite thing ever…now I had to use hair clips and pins so it wouldn’t fall off when I walked…haha!

Shrug & Skirt: Lane Bryant, Tank top: Dots, Flats: Rainbow

3.) Bright Floral Teacher
I love the bright pattern on this dress!  It’s fun and still appropriate to wear to teach.  Smile

 
  

Dress & Belt: Ross, Tights & Bracelet: Forever 21, Heels: Target, Blazer: Lane Bryant,

4.) More Floral and Periwinkle Tights!
I wore this to see a play with a very sweet friend (yes, he’s a boy, ha, shocker!).  I wanted to look cute and spring-ish, but it was a little chilly, so I wore these awesome colored tights. Winking smile 
     
       

Tights: Forever 21, Dress: Forman Mills (It was $8! Yay!), Sweater: Dots, Flats: Lane Bryant

5.) See-through Polka-Dots

Jeans: ??, Polka-Dot Top: Dots, Tank top (underneath): Forever 21, Flats: Lane Bryant
Comment below, tell me which outfits you liked.  Or help me with my boy issues?! Haha! I’m hopeless.
                                                                                   ♥ Xoxo Gabriella