Do you ever feel like everything that could ever possibly go wrong does just that? Like everything you’ve ever wanted and dreamed of is suddenly impossible? Like everything you’ve worked so hard for was a waste of time? Like all your worst nightmares started coming true one by terrifying one? What do you do? What is there to do but keep trying to fix things…? What if you can’t fix it? I try to be a positive person, but there’s only so much one person can handle before they break. I never give up on most dreams and goals though, which makes things more difficult in a way. Life just does not want to cooperate with me lately. I do what I’m “supposed” to do, I try hard at everything, I do well in everything I can possibly manage, yet still, everything seems to be crushing my dreams. There’s just too much darkness for a happy tutu-loving wanna-be princess to continue to deal with on a daily basis. I have a strong urge to pack my tutus and some chocolate and hide away in Disney World, because who could ever be miserable, melancholy, or depressed there? If only that were possible at the moment.
So, I’ve been having a terrible time looking for a teaching job. It’s one of the many issues I’m referring to in that depressing paragraph up there, but I don’t need to tell the world about all of them. Other than enjoying my summer before having to accept reality, I’ve been spending a lot of time looking for a job and being depressed that I haven’t found one yet...making blogging a bit hard. (I really do love to write and edit my blog though, I just need to get back in the habit of finding time for it. I miss it and any of you who read it.) I just happen to live near school districts that are a complete disaster. They can’t afford to hire back teachers they already had from last year, so there’s little to absolutely no hope for new teachers to get a job. Since I don’t want to move to another state, I’m stuck trying to figure out what to do. I’ve resorted to applying for substitute teaching positions (which I’d really rather not do… I hate the idea of being in different classrooms every day and not having a full time job). I’ve also started applying to preschools, some of which have Kindergarten classes, which I would love to teach, but most of the jobs are for preschool age (3-4) and toddlers… I love children…so I guess it’d be nice if I can get one of those jobs. It’s a teaching job…not exactly what I wanted, but better than nothing I suppose. I really seriously though somehow, even though there’s not much hope for elementary teaching jobs where I live, that I would somehow get one. I thought that because I got almost all A’s in college, had a high G.P.A., did great during my student teaching, was a member of the education club at school, received School of Education Honors, had experience as a child care provider (babysitter), and just because I have such a strong passion for teaching and working with children, that maybe all that would encourage a school to hire me. I guess I was just dreaming, or being overly positive about a sad situation, or refusing to accept my dreams are crushed, or being really hopeful and too much of a dreamer…?? It’s one or all of those I suppose.
I really wish I could just fix the school districts…or the entire school system. It’s such a shame the people in charge do not realize the importance of schools and good education for children. The government should spend less money elsewhere and more money investing education, which is investing in the future. Why people don’t realize the importance of this issue, I cannot understand. Is it not basic? Education is the foundation for everything. Students in a classroom of 40 or 60 children are not going to get the education they should. There’s not enough time for a teacher to give them enough attention. Plus, a stressed out under-paid teacher is not going to benefit students either. There’s so many other problems, I don’t even know where to start… So, I’ll stop before I go off on another tangent.
I did have a pretty nice summer, aside from the job issue and others I’ve been trying to ignore, but can’t. Being sad and depressed all the time lately has made me realize it’s not for me…ha! I need to try really hard to find the positive. Even if it’s in little things like cupcakes (not too often,still trying to lose more weight…fun!), dressing up and twirling, posting on my blog (Really this time I’m going to post a bunch of stuff I’ve been planning since forever and a day! Otherwise harass me to do it, ok? lol) or my sweet supportive boyfriend who brings me flowers and makes me smile. (Hi sweetie!)
I hope you all had a wonderful summer! Tell me what you did this summer in the comments. Anything fun or exciting? Or just relaxing? Also, is anyone else a teacher? Any advice on the job situation? Sorry for the depressing start to this post…maybe it helped me to write things down…
♥♥Xoxo, A Certified Teacher, Cupcake Baker, and Tutu Twirler,